Re: Upcoming Restroom Changes
by Nicky Drayden
MEMORANDUM
DATE: 3.18923 of the Galactic Equinox 7B
TO: All GalactiCorp Employees and Contractors stationed within Grid Sectors 12-Alpha through 543-Omega
FROM: Garthrook Fivebody, GalactiCorp Employee Relations
RE: Upcoming Restroom Changes
Dear GalactiCorp Family:
It has come to our attention that some of you have expressed concern over the recent GalactiCorp policy to allow Tramladorites into restrooms previously designated for humanoid use only. We feel that these misgivings are due to a matter of lack of information, or unfortunately in some cases, the willful spread of misinformation. Over the following weeks, you may notice a few small modifications to our restroom facilities to accommodate the Tramladorites' unique physiology, but we maintain that these changes have been well thought out, and are designed to make this transition as seamless as possible. In fact, they're as simple as 1, 2, 3!
#1 - Adjustable Titanium Alloy Boots.
While it is true that the urinary glands of the Tramladorites are carnivorous and territorial by nature, there are very few instances in which they have been known to attack unprovoked. By now, we've all seen the infamous anit-Tramladorite propaganda holo-vids, but we assure you that most urinary glands do not reach this size or level of aggression, and it is now customary that male Tramladorites file their gland's fangs down to nubs. The female glands are docile in comparison, and generally never exceed one meter in length.
It was cost-prohibitive to install floor-to-ceiling walls thick enough to thwart a full-on blow by an aggravated gland in all of our facilities. However, for your protection and peace of mind, we will be anchoring thigh-high titanium alloy boots in front of each toilet. These adjustable boots offer a full range of motion for your evacuatory needs, and are capable of withstanding 1500 kilos of force per square centimeter in case a quarrelsome gland does happen to wander under your stall wall.
Also, please note, wearing the boots is mandatory, even if there are no Tramladorites in the facilities at the time. These boots were designed to also function as safety braces, since unforeseen circumstances have required us to amplify the suction flow of the toilets by three hundred fifty percent.
#2 - Emergency Mauling Wands.
On occasion, Tramladorite fecal matter may escape the forces of the suction flow and crawl out of the toilet. Our experiments with further increasing the suction to reduce this occurrence only resulted in an unacceptable rate of loss of life and limb for humanoid users.
Immediately upon entering the facility, we ask that you thoroughly examine the area for fist-sized balls with light brown fur. They appear similar to a kiwi fruit or small quiak'lem melon, and can often be found cowering in dark places. If you encounter such an emanation, do not touch it, and no matter what, DO NOT engage it in conversation.
