Bounty
by Ken Poyner
James came out through his flimsy front door and was halfway to his car when Ned from the next home over got him flush in the back with a .38 slug. The shot likely sufficiently killed James, but to be sure Ned walked over and placed two more rounds into him. James's wife came to the door and started screaming. Ned bent down and affixed his claim tag around James's ankle. He pried his cell phone out of a pocket, popped the flip-style phone open, and called the authorities.
Neither James nor his wife apparently knew it was James day. Had they known, James would have stayed locked inside, blinds down, in an interior room.
In the end, Ned collected the $450 for his catch. He then waited up that night to see what tomorrow's name would be.
Ned did not win the bonus for most inventive catch. A slug in the back had no chance. A fellow a couple of townships over got a James by tricking him to step on the plate of a disguised catapult, tossed the James forty yards to break his neck where he landed. It took some effort to get enough tension on the catapult spring, and almost all day to disguise it. And he had to be sure it was a James on the launch spot. Cull some other name and there would be a fine, possibly community service. When they announced the award, they had two eye-witnesses come on and describe seeing the event--the James's arms flailing, his legs in a run even though he was free in the air, the scream ending in an anonymous thud.
One wonders how some people think these methods up.
