
Ten Secret Things You Don't Know About Closet Monster
by Susan Taitel
1. You are not Closet Monster's first victim. Closet Monster has terrorized scores of other children before you. And will frighten many more after you. You are not special; Closet Monster will scare you too.

2. Closet Monster is acclaimed in the monster community. They are a rising star, with a bright future ahead of them. Closet Monster always exceeds expectations. Closet Mon-- no Closet Monster doesn't have any snacks.

3. Closet Monster has a vacation coming up. It has been a very long time since they had any time off. Closet Monster is looking forward to a little "me time." They would appreciate it if you would get with the program because their deposit is not refundable.

4. Closet Monster is not in this for the money.

5. Closet Monster makes very little money actually. They are still paying off a student loan and are counting on their Five Hundredth Spooked Child bonus to carry them to the end of the year. Okay, fine; Closet Monster will get you a glass of water.

6. Closet Monster thought this was going to be easier.