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Someone Is Wrong on the Internet!

Sean Dornan-Fish has done everything from stage combat instruction to mannikin modeling to Shakespearean acting. He has written for video games, comic books, and RPGs. Currently he's a creative director making video games in California where he lives with his amazing wife and son.

I was in the middle of a scathing response when there was a knock at the door. I kept typing but the knocking turned into pounding. I typed faster and hit enter. I heard a muffled ding
Looking through the peephole I saw a scruffy looking woman frantically typing something into her phone.
"What is it?" I asked
Without looking up she responded. "Don't be angry but it's me, janeQP1984. I used my 'internet research hooey,' as you like to call it, to find your address."
"I'm calling the Police!"
"Please don't. I'm not here to hurt you. I'm here-- I'm here to argue."
A tingle coursed through my whole body. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"Look, I'm in trouble. I just keep posting. I can't stop. Your posts get the most frequent response but there are so many more. I can't sleep, I'm struggling to eat, I think I might be dying. I thought maybe it was the same for you. Maybe you were finding it harder and harder to-- to live."
She looked up from her phone and continued in a rush. "I hoped we could argue with each other. I could suggest a television show and, while we watched, you could tell me why it was horrible and inappropriate. You could tell me where you want to eat dinner and on the way I could let you know why I hated that kind of food. I could--"
I slowly opened the door a crack. In the dim light of the hallway she looked more haggard than scruffy. But she wasn't typing anymore. Neither was I.
I saw her fingers twitch toward the phone in her other hand and I could feel my keyboard calling me back. I resisted and opened the door wider.
"Why don't you come in and let me explain to you why that's a terrible idea."
The End
This story was first published on Thursday, October 26th, 2017

Author Comments

This story was inspired by my wife. She's is an extremely thorough person who always uses research and data to support her position. As you can imagine those skills are put to the test daily on the internet. One morning she was vigorously typing a rebuttal to an ill conceived comment and it made me think about the powerful lure of the internet. As with a lot of my writing the last line popped into my head and I wrote the story that same afternoon.

- Sean Dornan-Fish
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