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Welcome to the Kronoship(r) Frequently Asked Questions page, where you can find the answers to any questions you might have about owning a Kronoship. (If your question is not answered here, please contact Kronoship Customer Support so we can go back in time and add it before you got to this page, thus ensuring the answer is here when you look for it.)
KRONOSHIP PURCHASE
Q: How much does it cost to buy a Kronoship?
A: Retail price for a Kronoship is $1,999,999. However, thanks to our special in-house financing, you can own a Kronoship at zero cost to you: We'll give $9999 in genuine pre-1980 cash, and you simply travel back to 1980 and invest that money in specially chosen stocks. Sign the stock certificates over to us and deposit them in a specific safe deposit box at what will eventually become our bank, and you'll own your Kronoship free and clear.
Q: When can I take delivery of a Kronoship?
A: The sale of time travel vehicles to the general public was made illegal in the United States by the Prohibition Against Sale of Temporal Inventions and Machines Enabling Act (aka PASTIME Act) on June 3, 2039. The PASTIME Act will not be repealed until March 16, 2067. Therefore, you can legally take delivery of your Kronoship on any day before June 3, 2037 or after March 16, 2067. Time travel to your chosen date is provided free of charge for purchasers.
KRONOSHIP OPERATION
Q: How does the Kronoship work?
A: Simply enter the Kronoship and shut the door. Once everyone is securely seated, the Kronoship will automatically take you to the time and location of your destination.
Q: How do I select the time and location I want to go to?
A: You don't need to. Each Kronoship comes pre-programmed with all the time-space coordinates you will have ended up going to during your ownership of the vehicle.
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Q: What if I want to change the destination time and location?
A: If you changed your destination, that change is already part of the pre-programming.
TROUBLESHOOTING
Q: What do I do if my Kronoship breaks down?
A: An official Kronoship technician will show up before your Kronoship breaks down and will replace the part that was about to break.
Q: What do I do if I get stuck in another time?
A: The Kronoship will automatically block you from going to that time, so you won't get stuck there.
Q: What do I do if I die in another time?
A: If you're dead, there's nothing you can do. However, since the Kronoship will automatically block you from going to that time, you won't die there.
EFFECTS ON THE TIMELINE
Q: If I go back in time and kill dinosaurs or a prehistoric butterfly, will that cause the wrong party to win an election in my home time?
A: No. Fortunately, the timeline is highly resilient to major changes, and will "bounce back" to normal when you return to your home time.
Q: Can I go back in time and kill Hitler (or another genocidal dictator)?
A: Of course. Many people find it highly therapeutic. Feel free to do it as often as you like. Unfortunately, the timeline is highly resilient to major changes, and will "bounce back" to normal when you return to your home time.
Q: If I go back in time and kill my grandfather (or another ancestor) will it cause a paradox that prevents me from being born?
A: No. On the grounds of basic human decency, however, we recommend against such a course of action unless your grandfather (or another ancestor) was Hitler (or another genocidal dictator).
Q: Can I go to the future and steal some technology and bring it back and make a fortune?
A: Thank you for not asking about going back in time to kill someone or something! The short answer is yes.
The long answer is: most future technology is so interdependent on other available technology that stealing an idea and trying to develop it in your home time will probably not work. However, if it does work, that means you invented it, so you didn't actually steal the idea.
SATISFACTION GUARANTEE
Q: If I'm not satisfied with my Kronoship, can I return it?
A: We guarantee you'll be satisfied with your Kronoship purchase. If you were not satisfied, we won't have sold it to you.
The End
This story was first published on Tuesday, August 30th, 2022
Author Comments
I wrote this story for a flash fiction story contest with other members of CodexWriters.com. It was based on the following prompt: "Write about someone learning to drive a car, boat, tank, spaceship, or other vehicle." I decided on a time machine as the vehicle, then realized an FAQ page could provide an interesting format for the story. It allowed me to play around with some of the cliches of time travel.
- Eric James Stone
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